I’m not going through anything.. I’m not hurt over anyone.. was just listening to the song..
Morning friends of mine..
I do hope everyone has been keeping well.. I have thank you.. I’ve tried writing a couple of posts, but haven’t really been able to communicate my thoughts into words.. But this post has nothing to do with anything serious.. I’ve had a humorous morning, and such things require a certain sense of easy going self do deal with.. and right now, I’m in a whimsical mood..
See this morning, I went through 3 different outfit changes.. I work in an easy going office, and we don’t have a strict dress code, so I’m not really fussy about how I dress.. but I am single woman now.. *yes Superman and I broke up..well kinda..I don’t know* so I try a bit more to be appealing to the opposite sex.. This morning I decided a grey pencil skirt and a cleavage revealing bright cerise top with gold accessories would do wonderfully together.. I was right! LOL!! Anyway, I don’t know why I stretched so much instead of climbing into this guys car, and RRRRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPPP! Went my skirt!! lmfao!! I let him drive away cause I was so shocked.. and only told him well on my way to work.. LOL!! I am right now, sitting with a HIGH HIGH slit up my thigh, but luckily I brought along a cardigan..so I’m covered.. and yes, the smart thing would be to quickly go shopping – but I work in a deserted business park in the middle of nowhere.. So for today, I shall entertain my inner exhibitionist and flaunt my sexy.. Don’t worry I work alone! 🙂
So anyway.. last night, I had such a beautiful evening.. I opened a bottle of wine.. a young merlot.. lit candles.. took a bath.. and put on my very favorite cd’s.. now I like I mentioned, I am now a single woman.. and all this relaxation was for nothing.. cause I didn’t get none.. 😦 LOL! Now normally, this wouldn’t be a problem.. but it’s been a while.. By the time I got to my 2nd glass.. I was feeling rather.. spicy, for lack of better word.. and when I found myself playing with hot wax, I realised how serious my yearning is.. LOL!! Anyway, we shall not discuss my lack of sex life!
What I do want to discuss though, is what is acceptable to discuss? I recently made a new friend, a gorgeous 26 year old lady, smart and funny.. Although, she’s always so shocked to hear me describe my take on sex.. trust me, I’m not that graphic.. lol.. a week or so ago I had the pleasure of being in the company of a very very goodlooking man.. and although we’re not in a sexual relationship, he has no quirks about being naked in front of me.. so I was explaining to my friend how amazingly fine this chiseled specimen is..and as I got to describing his member, my friend all but ran away.. LOL!! Maybe I am too forward, but like I said – I have so much Sex and the City influence, and Samantha is always talking about the male anatomy in detail..
My biggest concern though, is coming across as if I’ve been with a lot of men – I haven’t, and as old as we are, people grade you by how you speak about sex, and don’t want to be graded “whore”.. We’re in a modern age yes? and we have become liberated? How do we view sex? Are we Ok with sleeping around as we please? I mean would indulging every man I fancy with a roll in the hay make me whore? what makes one a whore? I mean I like sex.. and while I was in a relationship – I suppose I tied it to an emotion.. but now, my emotions are a lot softer than my physical wants.. but who am I supposed to give it up to? How many part time lovers am I supposed to have?
I’m not an idiot, I know HIV and STD’s are rife.. that’s the biggest thing to consider.. I wouldn’t want to catch something! But is it Ok for a woman to love sex, and not be labeled? I’m not expecting anything of monetary value out of it, and I can separate my emotions.. but is society ready to just see that for what it is? I don’t know..
Ok.. Let me know what you think..
Good day lovers and friends.. So I blatantly lied the other day.. Wednesday I think it was.. I said, I’d write a full post on Thursday, which I completely forgot about, and I don’t like writing on Fridays.. which brings us to Tuesday.. LOL!! I’m sorry.. I’m going to stop setting up expectations rather.. Well to quickly explain myself though, I had nothing much to write about.. I mostly write about whatever is going on in my life, and there’s nothing right now.. so I had to sit and think, and nothing came.. until, my boy came to visit me on Saturday.
Now, this dude has been my friend for well over a decade, he’s that guy in your life, that knows everything.. the William in Joan’s life type of set up.. He eats at my house, he sleeps over at my place, he’s that guy that calls at 2 AM to ask me a stupid question. Hell I’ve almost been dumped over dude.. and I know plenty of females in his life, that were not so happy about our friendship.. Anyway, back to my December.. I noticed that dude started acting funny out of the blue, he wasn’t calling, he’d avoid me like the plague, and he wasn’t inviting himself over to my food or space, I wasn’t bothered though, until I got drunk.. STILL – I wasn’t bothered, I was simply calling a friend I missed at 11pm, which is acceptable time considering what we normally do, and to my surprise.. some girl answers the phone.. So there I am thinking..
This haffer proceeded to ask me who I am, and I politely replied.. “____ FRIEND”.. Then she caught and attitude, mumbled some things, and dropped the phone on me. I texted her, and said ” Sweety, don’t ever drop the phone on me.. I’m not some side ho”.. She then called back FOUR BLOODY TIMES, and I finally picked up.. she said..”I didn’t drop the phone on you” and I said, “Apologies for my sms then” , then she asked “Who are you”,I replied ” I told you, I’m ____’s friend”..”I know all of _____’s friends” she snapped.. to which I said..”Evidently not”.. and still I’m left thinking..
This has little or no relevance to what I’m gonna write about, I just wanted to share what had happened to me. LOL.. Maybe she thought I was a booty call, or some ex.. whatever her reasons for trying to assert herself to the wrong one..I bet she hadn’t thought at all, that we had an emotional relationship.. Nothing romantic luckily for her sake, but in some instances – people get so caught up, and the line between what is acceptable and not becomes blurred. Today, I wanna speak about, emotional infidelity. A lot of people, don’t pay too enough attention to the emotional aspect of a relationship after years of being together, but rather get settled in a routine, they forget to talk, and remind each other of dreams shared, or promises made..”too many people try to make it last, rather than trying to make it work..” and that’s when you meet someone new, who may remind you of your man/woman when you first met. That new person may revive the spark you forgot you had, and may remind you of how cute new love is.. A lot more people also think that cheating is only when you take your clothes off, and fornicate with a stranger.. well that’s definitely not true.. A relationship is made up of more than orgasms..
The saddest part of a relationship, has got to happen right after you realise you and your partner no longer want the same things from life,they no longer excite or inspire you in any way. Sometimes, they may be going through stress of their own, and you may feel burdened, and your role changes from being lover and friend, to a worried mother or concerned sibling. Meeting people who seem to have their own lives in order, will make it seem as though, there is so much better out there for you..
It all starts out as a friendship, but the minute you start hiding texts, phonecalls, coffee dates.. THE MINUTE someone else is your first and last thought, your ass is having an emotional affair.. When your partner, no longer takes an active interest in your life, and you have someone outside who is supporting you, cheering you on, making you believe in yourself..you will end up falling inlove with that person, and whether or not you sleep with them, giving that responsibility *for lack of words* to them, makes them as valuable as the person you are in a relationship with.
We all deserve to be with someone who appreciates everything about us, cares about how we’re feeling, what we want and what we need.. all of what we need. It is so important to keep caring for a person, to keep interested, and to be there – when they need a friend.. The only way we can do this though, is through honest communication, and being honest to ones self, when you know you are in love with someone else – respect the person in your life enough to either protect them from that, or let them go.
Just like women freak out, *rightfully so*, over sexual misdemeanor, no man in his right mind, wants to see his woman smiling over what another man has been to her.. So keep your relationship between the two of you.. if your intention is to build, layer your foundation as honest open communication.. love is not meant to be shared by many.. and that said, coming into a relationship comparing everything to what you and your ex, will not yield any positive outcomes.. if you’re still inlove with your ex, don’t act like you’re ready to move on..
Now kids, go on and let your boo know their the only one for you.. Make the effort to learn more about them.. Keep the love thing real..
Hello lovers and friends..
What a quiet Monday it’s been.. I like them like this.. easing into the week rather than the normal frenzy we’re normally in.. I had a good weekend! Spent some time indoors with friends, simply drinking, eating, conversating and laughing.. We spoke a lot about love, work, more love, relationships..and yeah – Love.. LOL!! How we want it, how we’ve lost it, and what it means to us..
I got home lastnight, and tried to confront my feelings about my current state of love.. my emotions and my feelings.. and I made a little headway.. I think I’ve been a tad bit harsh on myself.. For a long time, I didn’t think I was worthy of being loved, and to this day – always questioned people or rather men who have said they love me.. I’ve not only being scared of loving, but also being loved.. This comes from the many insecurities I have, and those cannot be listed here, I need a whole new blog post for those..
I also realised, while doing this introspection, that these insecurities had affected other facets of my life.. I had to really sit, and confront the fact that I’m unhappy with my life! I’m unhappy with the job I’m in, I was unhappy in a friendship I was in, I was unhappy with some of the issues of the relationship I was in, and I’ve spent so long running away from my unhappiness.. till it caught up.
I remember a time when I had so much fire in me, so much faith and hope in my vision, I still do..except – it’s a little spark now.. I believe in my dreams, I think I just forgot to believe in my worthiness to achieve and live them..that’s why I procrastinated and put them in a little box at the back of my mind and went on surviving.. I wasn’t involved enough in my life to really live and when this year began, I promised myself that I wouldn’t make any resolutions, and I’d just live! Free of stress, worries and sadness.. and in 10 DAYS, I turn 24! I remember all the promises I made me..
One of the greater dreams I had, died.. but the greatest one – is something I have a chance to create every second, of every day.. my happiness.. I’ve felt so empty and so lost for so long, and maybe I needed my dreams deferred.. or destroyed, to wake me up.. I’m thankful to life, for life.. My greatest dream lies in my heart, with the potential to light up so many lives..and I hope I have enough courage to pursue it.. So yeah, I’m gonna start picking the pieces up, for real this time.. The life we all want, is not somewhere waiting for us to find it, it’s in every moment we let slip..waiting for us to create it.
We have got to stop imagining the imaginary rocks holding us down.. Everything..EVERYTHING in life is driven by love, or fear.. and if we spend all our days fearing what we can love, we’ll spend our lives in darkness, robbing the world of our light.. I’m understanding now, that the pieces don’t fit in this here and now, but they do belong somewhere, I just have to WANT to look again..and I do.. I’m ready for every dream..
Yours in inspired happiness
Hello dear friends,
I do hope everyone has been keeping well.. 🙂 It’s been a quiet week thus far, nothing amazing or remotely memorable has happened, hope that changes soon! I’ve been back to watching Girlfriends for a while now.. *since the IT people forgot to switch off the access to YouTube*..*evil laugh*.. and for those who don’t know, Girlfriends and Sex and the City, are my “How To Live” manuals.. yes – most of my ideas about this life thing are formed from two sitcoms about two groups of women, black and white, and their issues around friendship, work, success, RELATIONSHIPS, and love.. all with a comedic undertone, and a generous sprinkle of fashion..
So if you’ve ever wondered where my incredible sense of humor, style or just general wisdom come from, No it’s not from gum wrap.. it is from 8 ladies, navigating incredibly real situations, I go through on a day to day.. 🙂
Which brings me to my favorite topic… Well.. I have plenty, but for today, Its an all in one.. YAY! MEN AND MONEY.. haha! I have an awkward relationship with two of the above mentioned, I seldom have one or the other.. Sometimes it’s men..no money.. most times it’s money, but no men..and on occasion, it’s men without money.. LOL! Needless to say, I have no issues, no wait – that’s a lie.. I have deep issues when it comes to money.. My view on money in relationships is, WE SHOULD BOTH HAVE OUR OWN!
A couple of weeks ago, I was at a friends event, where her other friends were in attendance, and eventually the conversation went into the direction of Men and Money.. I wasn’t at all surprised to hear the views they presented, as I’d had plenty of similar conversations with numerous females, friends and strangers.. What the ladies were saying was, a mans role in relationship is to be the provider, which I have absolutely no issue with, I truly and fully support that notion, but my question was – what then, becomes of the woman’s financial role in a relationship?
Yes I dared to ask that, and I was met with confused, almost shocked faces, at the thought that I would dare assume, a woman has any monetary responsibility in a relationship.. You guys should know and understand – that I am not on any level comfortable being with broke men, because more often than not, they’re leeches.. Broke men tend to be too comfortable having things done for them, funny cause I really don’t mind doing the very same things for a man I know has money.. That’s my issue right there, I am the breed of female, that has the need to let a man know – I got mine boo boo..
I honestly believe that when you are in a relationship, not a marriage – you have no business EXPECTING a man to give you money, or pay for big things like your education, your mortgage or car.. yes he may, if he offers and genuinely wants to, trust – I will not say no to those, but I also believe that when a man gives you money, you give him CONTROL.
I was also raised with the idea, that you should never have anyone do for you what you can do for yourself, and that if you cannot afford it – you can go without. So again I ask, what is a womans role in a relationship? Is it a bad thing that I LIKE to pay? I know a man has to be a Provider, a Protector and Professor.. as in profess his love at all times for you, and woman should be the nurturer, the keeper, the sensual lover and a lot more than those three P’s.. but isn’t all that reserved for marriage? Why would you, as a working woman, want any man to claim to have taken care of you at any point in your life? Would it really kill you to pick up the bill for one lousy meal?
In my dream relationship, I’d love to have a man who respects money as I much as I do, who understands that his role as my boyfriend – is not to support me financially, but eventually as my husband, it will be to ensure security and stability. Same as he should understand that he will buy the whole damn cow, if he wants some milk..and no, I’m not using “Milk” as a metaphor for sex, I meant other things, like cooking, cleaning and washing..
I’m a woman, and I like the idea of gifts, pretty little surprises – but I also like the idea of being an independent woman, I’m very proud of it actually.. My independence will eventually draw the right man, the one that’ll let me, let myself be taken care of, not because I can’t – but because my husband will know, and play his role.
Hello my loves.. oh how Ive missed you all!!!
Firstly I’d like to say I’m so sorry for my abrupt silence.. I was and am still going through an uninspired time in my life, where I feel like just screaming out and crying and fighting and just being sad..
Its Monday evening and I’ve decided to indulge with a bottle of Merlot.. hahaha!! I am completely off right now, and I’m listening to Beyonce.. I have so many emotions going through me.. but I just needed to acknowledge that the most precious and realest most important one is..LOVE.. I am loved by the man I love.. and the friends I love.. and that’s more than I need to remember my worth..
Like I mentioned though, I’ve been uninspired and almost too sad to write.. but I wanna come back, so I need you to help me.. talk to me..suggest things..share stories..laugh and play with me..
I don’t do misery too well, and it’s been a while, I’m bored of being boring.. 😉
The last couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least.. I’m definitely flavor of the month among the single boys.. everybody wants to be my man.. and there are MICE in my house..:( I think about 4.. I’ve tried everything to get them out, but they won’t leave..I am living in fear..anyway – I’m busy with my University exams, I *can’t comment truthfully* love my job..LOL! And I just received an email stating that I have achieved one of business goals.. I’m very proud of me.. :’) Hopefully this time next year, I’ll be completely independent of any company..
I do hope each of you has that love in their life.. that tear inducing type of love..*yes I am crying right now*.. lol.. I’m so blessed to have loving people in my life.. my friends who are consistent in their love and affection, despite my many disappointments.. a man who is amazing in loving me.. through all the messes I cause.. the imperfections I display.. I am so lucky to have someone who is a pillar of strength, a friend, a love so great and so real..
Now I’m crying, cause they’ve been through it all with me.. without judgement or anything else.. I love you guys..
I’m almost at the bottom of my very last glass..so without further abuse to my tear ducts.. goodnight and God bless..
Good day lovers and friends..
How is everybody doing? It’s frustratingly cold today, and I’m so excited that it’s a holiday tomorrow! I’m gonna lay in bed all day and stuff my face with Chinese food!! 2nd day I’m craving Chow Mein, Springrolls and Pork Belly.. It must be the weather..So today, I got an email from Pretty, my friend – asking me random questions about if I’d take my ex back.. this is the ex that was written about a couple of posts back.. I did say he was thought to be the great love of my life.. The dude did play a big part in my life, for about 3 years.. and I stopped thinking about getting back together a while back.. I try not to think about it now.. it’s just a futile exercise, and thus my answer was, No.. I wouldn’t be interested in getting back together with him.. Reasons being I’m at a different place now, and I’d like to think I’ve grown, and need different things.. And I just don’t give a fuck about him anymore..
Before that though, I was pretty pathetic, yeah I was.. Every song that was sad and talking about heartbreak, was a reference to our relationship.. I used to call dude ALL THE TIME, and he never really reciprocated, or showed the same interest, I don’t know what I was thinking.. I really made a fool of myself.. Sometimes it feels like I was Drunk Texting him for three years.. oh and I used to do lots of that.. DRUNK DIALING was my thing! I’d call him up, and let him know how he was never gonna get anyone like me in his life, I guess he didn’t really want someone like me hey? lmao.. Not until I didn’t want him anymore.
Surprisingly, most women, no matter how well together they are, go through what I did.. When something ends so suddenly, we struggle to let it go.. Don’t argue, just accept.. I know my friends do.. hehehe.. One of them, did what I did.. she’d call a man who ignored her calls, with different numbers, and just frustrate herself even more, when he answered those that weren’t hers.. but the funniest thing looking back, is how she wanted to move provinces and start over.. the girl was 22 at the time, and she was prepared to uproot herself for a man.. mara..
It’s all good and well now, we’re over it.. but for a while, we did hope they’d come back.. Now I’m wondering why? Why we couldn’t be at ease with the fact that those bastards didn’t want us.. I’m a lot more honest with myself now, and have ACKNOWLEDGED and ACCEPTED why it wouldn’t work NOW – here’s why..
- Planes don’t fly backwards..
- He didn’t want me for 3 years – only in the 4th, not satisfied with HIS reasons..
- I can’t ever trust him to not repeat the things he did, thought and said..
- My value has increased..
- Nothing beats the first time, that dream is over..
So if you’re going through a breakup now, or can’t get over that man that has jilted you, remember – hearts don’t really break, it’s just your ego.. More than that, we’ve always said, “If people can divorce after 18 years, a mortgage, children and pets, we really can deal with just a guy”..
You can’t force anyone who doesn’t want to be a part of your life to stay, and honestly,how fun can it be trying to please someone who isn’t interested? Be careful that you aren’t in love with an idea.. or maybe with who they were, people change and you don’t wanna waste your life getting them back, only to find out they aren’t suited to you..you’ll resent them for something they can’t help..
I promised myself after that, that I’d never fall apart, just so someone can play hero and put me together again.. Not in this lifetime..
Have a warm evening..
I’m already giggling.. Morning guys..
So I know what you thought when you read the title of this post.. and I have to be honest, THAT IS WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO..LOL.. but I figured, does size in general matter? I was having a conversation with my best friend yesterday, where we were discussing size.. As in Male Organ Size, and if it matters.. now I know a lot of people say it does, but some say it doesn’t really matter – as long as he can use it, because some men might be blessed with size, but short of skill..
I think it’s important to be comfortable when having sex, to feel good and enjoy what you’re doing.. physically you MUST feel something.. but the most important thing is that you’re attracted to your somebody..
One of my friends, once commented on how she had no time for “small men”, till her current partner, and father of her child.. apparently – although size is not his strong point, the sex with him is fulfilling, exciting and body shaking.. so again, it’s how you use your lemons that makes all the difference. My other friend is not having it though.. she says small men are just unnecessary and need to understand how much harder they need to work.. lmao!!
Men talk about women and our bodies all the time.. and size matters there too right? Some don’t like flat chested, some don’t like big butts, although most do.. and big women get dissed sometimes.. ah well.. this big woman has a hot man, with a big power tool.. so as you were.. 😉
My thing is this, if men are gonna have certain demands, we can have our own.. like if you want a big butt, you should have a big bank balance.. If you want big breasts, I should get big diamonds.. that simple.
At the end of the day though, as long as you’re with somebody who makes you feel good, satisfies you emotionally, and sexually – keep them.. Sex will always be important, but should get better with time, when you understand and accept your body, and most importantly accept that your partner finds all of you attractive..
Hope you’re plagued with happiness..
Have a safe and fun weekend.. with love..
Good morning lovers and friends..
How is everybody doing? How’s life treating? Are we inspired people? I can’t do anything if I’m not inspired hey.. but I’m moved by the smallest thing.. lately my obsession is with this Liberian Designers Handbags.. beautiful gorgeous, well made stuff.. It inspires me when I see young people doing well for themselves, and striving to deliver quality made, elegant and beautifully packaged dreams..
Anyway, I have this thing of getting really off topic, I know.. but I was trying to explain why I took so long to post the “Ghetto Commandments”.. it’s mainly cause I wasn’t inspired, but also cause I forgot what the commandments are.. LOL.. So I had to sit and think, and deliberate with myself and myself.. and finally got some..
One thing that builds and maintains any relationship, is a mutual respect love, that a couple shares.. respect goes beyond how you treat someone when they’re there, but also how you treat their choices, family and other relationships.. Respect is the common thread in all the commandments, and is never to be forgotten. A ghetto Girlfriend knows, that you treat your man like a man, and she would NEVER publicly humiliate or degrade her man, no matter how angry or irritated she is.. she never reveals any cracks that could show her man to be weak.. So you never call him out, or shout at him – he’s your man, NOT your child.. it also benefits you, to remain calm and composed, it cuts deeper when you get stuff of your chest, *later in private*.. Don’t Facebook or tweet YOUR business..
The Second Commandment is KNOWING WHEN TO KEEP QUIET..
As women we need to remember we are dating MEN, not GOD.. and there will be moments when he messes up.. and when these come to pass, you can’t be expected to address every single issue, and some things don’t even require a peep from you. For example.. If there is a girl he is getting friendly with, you approach him, and let him know, it does not sit well with you.. if the relationship ensues, and they get friendlier, you make it known that you KNOW.. but do NOT go further than that.. your man should KNOW to let it go, and if he doesn’t.. well that’s a different issue, and he’s probably gonna cheat on your ass.. Also know when to keep quiet when it comes to money matters.. If your man is making decent money and treats you well, do not say anything on his low days.. DO NOT COMMENT when his MOTHER needs something,you NEED that woman to like you one day.. and if the brother is cheap *why are you with him?*, but if your man knows you’re short on something serious *not hair or nails* , and doesn’t offer – make another plan, and if he asks where you got money to do whatever – just be like ” I made a plan”.. that should make wanna assert himself.. but don’t be a nag..
The Third Commandment is TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS AS WELL AS HIS..
We’re girls, we’re gonna talk about our relationships, that’s a given..but you should NEVER EVER tell your girls something that will make them disrespect your man. There are people you can trust not to judge of course – but NOT the whole gang..So keep the sexual problems out of your girl talk.. You don’t need your friends to be a part of your COUPLE issues, understand that.. More than that though, no man wants to feel compared to other men, especially your ex’s and his friends, hold up on letting him know what great relationships you have with your male friends… Men feel threatened too easily.. and girrrl, know that your mans friends are not YOUR friends.. respect their relationship enough not to be discussing him with his friend, or maintaining contact behind his back.. No need to be missing them, going out with them or being any kind of friendly alright!
Alrighty dearest friends.. That’s all for today.. Hopefully I can write more tommorow..;-)
Keep well hey, have an awesome evening..
With Love Always
Molweni bethuna.. *that’s hello in Xhosa*..
I had a realization today that this blog was actually meant to be about food and wine.. also about my love for things I can’t afford.. and yet I manage to get so easily derailed..
Well as big as my love for food,wine and luxury is, I also have a lot to say on other issues..A lot being love and all it takes to get and keep it..
I have this obsession with a new song by Moneoa.. it’s called “Isi’bhanxa”..translated in Xhosa it simply means – Fool.. Its been a while since a love song has made such a connection to me on such a deep level, and it got it me thinking – am I part of many hearts addicted to pain and heartbreak? Just as some people are addicted to love and relationships, praying and believing that the one they’re with is THE ONE, some people *Like Me*, are just drawn to heartache.. and sometimes – when I really fall for someone I feel like Is’bhanxa for real..
See what love begs us to do, is throw caution to the wind, and trust that the person we’ve chosen to love – has our back.. this is not always true, because the person you might think is THE ONE – might not think the same of you.. and trust me, I’ve had my ego dented once or twice.. but once – my heart was completely ripped out of my chest,and I can only imagine his intent was to kill me instantly..He kinda did kill a part of me..
A part of Moneoa’s song goes – “In my mind,I thought we had it going on..what a lie – I guess your feelings weren’t so strong”.. and dammit, that’ how I felt 4 years ago.. I felt tricked. Unfairly and harshly tricked,when I really didn’t deserve it.. was I fool to trust someone who said they cared for me? Or was I fool to trust my feelings? Gosh my pride, everyone knew how much I loved him, and everyone knew how bad the ending was..and although I’m long over it, I’m not over the hurt.. The embarrassment,and I can’t seem to get past the fact that he’s COMPLETELY over it.. *I keep hoping he’s a really good actor*.. I’ve asked him before why he hurt me like that, and he’s answer? “I wasn’t ready for all of that”.. He wasn’t ready to be loved? mxm..
So why then do we throw around words like forever, love, need, together,trust – when we LIE to people and make them believe in things we know we aren’t ready to feel?
Like I said – this was 4years ago, and I was pretty young..I still keep contact with him, and I still see every reason I fell for him.. *another sign that ndisis’bhanxa* – but he’s a gorgeous sexy man, he’s intelligent, funny,ambitious and a hard worker..I especially love the fact that we can talk for hours about everything under the sky, and he listens..Gosh I still love him, although I’m not inlove with him.. *I hope he NEVER see’s this*.. but that’s another thing the idiot who breaks your heart makes you do, they make you compare every guy to them and how they made you feel.. You forget what a jerk he really is, and remember how well he treated you, how he was always there, always made time, always..urgh! He’s a bad man.. He’s a bad bad man..
The thing about falling is – you will hurt yourself..there’s nothing good about falling in love or anything else really..
I have to admit, I’ve broken a few hearts in my lifetime too, so this might be Karma..But bitch I get the idea!! Do we really have to kiss a million toads before one turns into a prince? Is it possible to see love through the streams of tears? Is it fair to expect someone else to fix a mess someone else made?
I want to not believe in love so badly, I’m being made of love.. I live to love.. and at the end of the day, I want to trust that someone wants to love me, HONESTLY. I just want it to be the same person I love..and maybe that’ll mean playing fool a couple of times..
I don’t wanna be all alone inlove.. Isi’bhanxa..