, , , ,

My lovers.. My friends.. How have you guys been?

Firstly, I’d just like to say thank you to Chantel, for reminding me that I love to write..

It’s been quite a minute huh? I’m not even sure when my last entry was.. which might be a good thing.. I haven’t had any happy thoughts until lately.. I wasn’t suicidal or anything, but I think I might have had a bout of mild depression.. it happens apparently when you get to your mid twenties and your bank balance is appalling.. not to mention a less than good lovelife.. hahahaha!!

You guys know I broke up with Superman by now.. this time for good! Offcourse he tried to get back with all this, I mean have you seen me?! :”D It’s so weird how over him I am.. I have no desire to stalk his social networks, I don’t answer his calls.. Mostly because I know whatever he’s going say is going be a lie and a waste of my time. I do bump into him occasionally, and we’re civil, but it’s never long enough for him to take advantage of.
Anyway, my cousin was asking me last night if I really am done with him.. I am. *Insert confetti here* :”)over you

She also asked me if I’m up for another relationship.. and a couple of days ago I would have said HELL NO! Now.. eish.. I would..LOL!! See there’s this guy.. and my oh my.. I hope he doesn’t see this blog, lawd! I have a genuine crush on someone.. LOL! But in my regular Zama fashion, I’m so scared to even go there.. I’m terrified! And I’m already acting like a little confused teenage girl when it comes to dude, talking bout “I miss you” ?! Noooo..

I must be the most confused person, because he’s really just so great! He’s funny, he’s smart, considerate and so damn fine!! But one part of my mind just keeps saying you’re not ready to go there.. And the other is like “you’re really going pass this onetime special up?” Being with the same person for so long, developing a routine and a trust..Then having that betrayed, will really fuck you up.. I didn’t realise how serious this was until my conversation with my cousin. I normally have very calm breakups, but I feel like I’m going to physically hurt the next man that lies to me.

On the other hand, I like not being accountable to anyone, not suspecting somebody of doing any dirt, not feeling neglected.. not being disappointed, because men do not understand the concept of consistency! 


At what point do you trust someone’s intentions? How do you even get past insecurities you have and the fears that come along with them? I was thinking to myself yesterday, I really don’t, at this point in my life, like how it feels to like someone. 
It’s incredibly stupid of me to bring my old issues, and disappointments into something that could be potentially amazing.. :-/

I annoy myself with all this over thinking.. I know for sure, I refuse to fall into any type of situation..maybe I’ll just tip toe into this one, because if he’s as great as he seems, then I deserve that!
I guess if you’re going to pursue anything new, you have to manage your expectations, *never your standards*..

Guys I’m really not articulating myself well right now, this is a conversation I’ve been playing in my head, it doesn’t translate well on paper *blog*..
Ill make time to write something tomorrow..

Ciao Bella!